Failing BYU Is a Slow and Excruciating Process...

The lesson I Learned Today:

The Relationship between student and teacher is equivalent to pond scum and an olympic gymnast who doesn't even go near ponds.

How I Learned This Lesson:

Silly me,I decided I would write my essay and in some miraculous feat it would be deemed acceptable by the academic world…I was sadly mistaken.

See I came from a world where teachers brought students pizza, and donuts, and would tell hilarious jokes involving men and kilts. They graded on effort not ability, and I welcomed this system like ice cream after a 5 mile run. I didn’t realize that at evil places (BYU!) teachers wanted you to put in a good 20 hours per paper even though you only allotted 4 hours to the project.

So I took my paper in to discuss it with my teacher on Wednesday(a whole two days before it was due)and as I walked into her office I was immediately assaulted by a wall of books. Yes, I realize I also own a ton of books, but the main difference between our collections is mine consists of happy go lucky frivolous reads filled with lolly pops and rainbows………and each of hers weighed more than my head with titles I couldn't pronounce.

My palms began to moisten when I handed her my paper and saw the plaque containing the words Doctorate and NOTRE DAME!

(The Plaque was written in Latin, WHAT. I have to say I like my Latin like I like my zombies, to stay dead.)

Then she started reading it while I started to sweat profusely. And as my words and opinions were shredded and demolished before my eyes I slowly started to shrink in stature until I was drowning in the puddles created by my very own tears and perspiration.

When she was done I quickly gathered up the pieces of my ill-conceived thoughts and ideas and removed my moisture sodden pride from her disappointed eyes, apologizing for ever subjecting her to the excruciating experience that was reading my paper.

Things That Make Me Giggle:

1. A guy riding on a scooter

2. Two guys riding on a scooter

3. Floral hair arrangements (yes, a flower can look cute in your hair girls, but lets not get carried away. A garden noggin is not a fashion statement!)

4. The big words the other english students while I contemplate buying a dictionary.

5. Single adult dances *snort*

6. Guys comments on my walking speed. (it's not my fault my femur bone is freakishly long, it simple gets me to places faster.)

7. Kyle yelling, "you're not black," as a walk by with my headphones in.

8. Having a 20 lb bag of ketchup spill on me and the MTC carpet. (this moment fully captured me in all my glory)

9. Guys in Skinny jeans and v-neck shirts. Why? because it's gross and, frankly, a little gay.

10. Getting text messages from my brother Adam saying, "have you got any yet?" Well Adam, have fun explaining to mom what that sentence means.

Three Cheers for Minimum Wage Jobs!!!

I arrived early to BYU in hopes that I would find a quality job. My hopes even raised me into believing I could get a job at the coveted Harold B. Lee Library!

But alas this is me we are talking about and my life has a way of taking the more hilarious route.

Instead I found a job at the MTC. Do not let the glamour of the MTC name confuse you, I do not work WITH the missionaries, I work FOR the missionaries. My job title, in all its glory, is The Dish Room Worker. This job includes scraping food off dishes, turning over cups, and if I’m lucky, unloading the dishes of 2700 hungry missionaries. And in-between all of the loading and unloading I get to wade through the hot sticky air, permeated with the smell of a thousand flavors.

I’m a lucky girl, right?

Do you want to hear the worst part….the uniform includes a hat. I don’t know if you’ve seen curly hair under a hat, but it closely resembles a small woodland creature caught in a very aggressive trap. Once again I tend to make things sound worse than they are. The dish room is an okay profession, even honorable if you throw in the whole, “I’m serving the missionaries,” so I really shouldn’t complain...but I probably still will.

Now on to the next job. On weekends I get to work 6 hour shifts for the even staff at the BYU football games. This job includes directing people to their seats, enforcing crowd control, and telling guests not to stand by the railings and having them yell at me (this actually happened, this mean old man got irrationally mad at me and bawled me out, but I have to say he did come later and apologized). You may wonder if I get to actually watch a BYU football game, well the pamphlet says no, but I’m known for my rebellious streak so I do it anyways, I just have to be very very sneaky like ( Most of you know authority frightens me, but I’ve come up with a most brilliant plan to openly boast that I’m a rebellion in hopes that it one day might be true). I actually don’t mind this job, and even though I have to sport yet another atrocious hat, I do get into the games for free ;)

Lora's less dramatic take on BYU!

I realize that I have not blogged in a long time and there is a really great reason for that.

I have no time.

So I’m going to start from the beginning:

Once upon a time my mother left me alone at BYU surrounded by sketchy RM’s, unknown roomies, and sadistic teachers and ever since I have been avoiding tempting tall buildings and sharp objects.

Bahahahahahaha Okay now I’m being dramatic, so far my experiences have been truly awesome!

I got here a week early to search for a job and I have found two so that’s great (no worries I’ll have a separate post dedicated to these quality ‘jobs’ I’ve picked up)

First things first, my house is amazing! It consists of two stories filled with nooks (a breakfast nook and a music nook), kitchens, a dinning room, a living room, and of course 6 bedrooms. My bedroom is on the ground floor and is the best room ever. I’m sharing it with Anna banana and we have it decorated to the t (not to brag, but we are amazing decorators). Our other 8 roommates are wonderful and we have already had the best time together (I will put up pictures of our cute house and the lovely girls that dwell in it later).

My first week was nutso and all my classes are proving to be way intense, but I have to say I’m ready for the challenge and I love how much I’m learning. Also my writing skills, spellings skills, and grammar skills need some heavy duty work so hopefully these classes whip me into shape to become the greatest book agent/librarian/teacher/publisher/editor EVER! (okay so I haven’t really completely decided on what I’m going to do, but in my defense I have a lot of research and chocolate to pound before I can choose my entire life’s future).

Did you know that in some schools the class rooms are filled with students who actually want to learn instead of take naps and copy my homework? Neither did I, but apparently BYU is where all of these quality students have been hiding. It’s very unsettling.

Enough with the boring stuff like workload, due dates, psycho teachers, blah blah blah and on to the good stuff.

Social life! (You know, I’m beginning to think that FHE, break-the-fasts, ward pray, and opening socials are all a ploy to get us single folk married...nah I’m probably just being paranoid)

This weekend was filled with parties, planet earth, break the fasts (did you know the ward feeds you unlimited pie’s and burgers for free just for fasting? Fantastico!!!), midnight ice-cream runs, movies, ect.

Needless to say I did not do any homework till Monday and I have to say Monday was the longest day ever. Six hours of homework does a lot of damage to curly haired girls such as I.