Tuesday, January 29, 2013

When Interviews and Wal-Mart Unite: A True Story

Let me tell you a little bit about my week. As some of you know I’ve been on the job hunt which means I basically spend my days alternating between living on my bed and going to interviews.

The interviews have been fine. All you really need to know is how to lie sell yourself. But last week was especially exhausting. I had 5 interviews and some of them were 4 hours long. My last interview was by far the worst experience of my life. And like most bad experiences in my life, I could have easily prevented it… but I didn’t.

Here’s my story

Friday I went in for my second interview at a new and upcoming marketing company. The job was for a marketing management position. My first interview went extremely well and I thought I was a shoe in for the job. When I showed up for the second interview they had a little surprise for me. I entered the office and was immediately introduced to two guys who would “show me the ropes.” But first they were going to take me to lunch.

This fact excited me until I found out I would be paying which isn’t a big deal unless you factor in that I’m unemployed and broke.

After lunch they started describing the job and everything seemed to be going as planned until they told me they had a strict policy that no one could be a marketing manager unless they first did sales.


They said it would just be easier to show me what “sales” meant. The next thing I know I’m following them as they zigzagged their way out of the valley and into a Wal-Mart parking lot. I parked and creepily watched them as they changed from suits to polos and then I continued to follow them as they set up a table and started selling satellite TV to already aggravated walmartites.  


The next four hours were the worst of my life. They combined my three biggest nightmares:
  1. Having to go to Wal-Mart in the first place AND not even getting a pint of Ben and Jerry's out of it.
  2. Becoming that annoying sales person who badgers people until they finally have to tell them to F%@# off (not kidding, I probably heard this phrase at least 3 times that day).
  3. Standing on my feet for long periods of time ( for some reason they turn bright red after a couple of minutes and then break out in this bizarre rash all over my legs…too much info?).

The only highlight of this experience is when a meth addict came in the store and started stealing merchandise. Luckily a sales woman, who spoke in mostly expletives, scared him off and then told us how he pulled a knife on her just last week.

I just realized that wasn’t really a highlight…

When I finally got home and told my siblings about my “interview”, I had to wait a good minute or so to get a response other than laughter. Their unanimous reply was why in the world didn’t I leave after a couple of minutes.


I can’t disappoint people who are expecting something from me. I can’t. I couldn’t leave Mr. A’s world of music class even though the rest of the room cleared the second the lights went off. I couldn’t leave the embarrassing bridal shower that ripped my innocence from me. And I couldn’t leave Wal-Mart as those fools followed old people around trying to get them to buy overpriced satellite TV.

It was bad people. It was real bad. 

Here’s to another week of pj’s and suits.

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