Monday, December 26, 2011

I am Legend meets Contagion

It’s Christmas time! Soon our houses will be filled with brothers, sisters, grandkids, and anyone else who can fit. During the celebrations, these houses become breeding grounds for sicknesses of all kinds and before long one cough becomes thousands and soon all sounds are drowned in their roar. Most people get over their cold quickly. A sniffle on Monday, a cough on Tuesday, a slight fever throughout, but by Wednesday all are a picture of health.

Not me.

My body goes around collecting sicknesses. First colds, then ear-aches, soon even stomach flu detains me from everything holy that is this holiday. And so it has been my entire life.

But not this year: No.

This year I was determined to rise above my defective immune system. Little did I know how hard this would be. Little did I know sickness had infected every corner of our house leaving few, if any survivors.

It’s Friday, two days till Christmas and I am writing you from ground zero. I’m currently hiding out in the ‘no no room’ so named for containing all things of extreme value, namely; priceless crystal and china, our baby grand piano, and the coveted Christmas tree. These items assure that the room is kept safe from intruders. How do we do this? Not by an intricate overlay of deathly laser beams, but by crisp vacuumed carpet lines. Every hour mom vacuums back and forth until perfection is attained. Perfection that can correctly identify all intruders by their unmistakable foot size and path of footprints through the room. So far it’s the only place that’s safe. Kids are scarce here and so the sickness stays at bay, waiting for me to leave. I’ve brought a book with me, but heaven only knows how long that will hold me.

This week the house has been a battle zone with the epidemic starting over the weekend when Nicholas didn’t feel well. By Sunday Audrey had fallen in its path taking with her seven others. So far the count is nine sick, three healthy. I’m one of the last. I try to stand strong, but even I know the odds aren’t good.

Tuesday, five days till Christmas: The house is now filled with sniffles and sneezes. No corner is safe. I try my best to blockade my room at night. So far Madilyn, Cara, and I are the only ones who have to succumb. But only time will tell: only time will tell.

Wednesday, four days till Christmas: I’ve started raiding the cabinets for vitamins. Mom’s upset the airborne is almost gone so we’ve started rationing it. I’ve already taken my dose for the day, but I fear the night.

Thursday, three days till Christmas: Madilyn started to sniffle today, I’m toying with the idea of kicking her out of my bed tonight. Adam decided to build a fire. We now sit in a furnace. Does no one realize heat breads bacteria? If I had it my way we would be putting ice blocks in the furnace, anything to kill this joy threatening disease. Jill just got home, which raises the healthy count to four. I just pray that number can hold.

Friday, two days till Christmas:I let Madilyn stay in the bed last night; I woke up with a sore throat. I regret that decision immensely. I snuck into the kitchen and did a double shot of airborne. My only hope is that it will be enough. This afternoon I found mom’s hidden stash of emergence c. I combined two packets with my daily dose of airborne in hopes that it can feed the insatiable appetite the illness growing in my body demands.

Later Friday,we're closing in on Christmas: The illness has spread from my throat to my nose and now my body is consumed. This is my new best friend.

Saturday, one day till Christmas: I’m sick and the healthy count is down to zero. My hopes for health have been dashed and now I enter into a comatose existence provided by a cocktail of drugs, vitamins, and coca-cola. Cross your fingers that I remember the next 24 hours.

Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 16, 2011


This basically sums up finals for me.

So how did I survive finals week?

Well it all comes down to the life preserving laughter received from these little gems I found on the internet.

First, BYU's testing center has a camera filming live footage of the line entering the main testing room. For some, this is a helpful means to check how long the lines are and determine how long they will have to wait in said line. For me this provides moments of immense entertainment as a periodically peaked in on those poor souls throughout the week. I don't know why this amuses me so, but watching the frustrated, desperate, anxious, sleep-deprived, plight of the average BYU college student has became my obsession this week. Just take a gander for yourself.

Second, if you haven't got my emails or checked out my link's on facebook then you've missed out on this blog post. At this very moment intense laughter awaits you at the touch of a button. This button. Click away my friend, but beware, the fit of giggles you are about to enjoy will most likely leave you with intense stomach pains. If you have read this, re-read it. Trust me, it just keeps getting better and better.

Here's a little preview. It just kills me every time I look at it. Anyhoo....

Third, there's pinterest. Beloved pinterest: filled with crafts I will never do, food I will never cook, clothes I can't afford, and hair styles physically impossible for my curls to perform. The best part of this site is the sayings and pictures it provides. For example:

If my phone could do this I would have sent you all whales on a daily basis. Be grateful.
This picture explains why I chose to run in sketchy neighborhoods.... at dark clothes...all summer long. I was determined to have my awkward running/walking/panting seen by no one. It wasn't until I pointed out my running trail to my roommate and she said "I can't believe you haven't been raped yet," that I rethought this whole running thing...and no, running in a safer well lit neighborhood was not an option.

I have literally been waiting forever for someone to say "the more the merrier" just so I can answer with this response.

Caption not required.

So finals are over and I have officially survived three semester of BYU. Now I'm mentally preparing for two and a half glorious weeks filled with nothing but Christmas magic.