Ultimately Ridiculous

In the last post I mentioned the introductions we all have to make on the first day of class. The one introduction that I did not mention, mostly because it didn’t fit my purpose, was Charley's. While everyone else was listing their accomplishments, dream careers, and inner most secrets, this is what he said.

Charley: Hi my name’s Charley and I love ultimate Frisbee”

Me: BOOOOOOO OOOOO OOOO O O O

Oh how I wish booing was socially acceptable, then Charley could have felt the soft rumble of shame flow over him and sink into his very being.

But seriously, ultimate Frisbee? Really, that’s all you have to say about yourself. 

Since when did this game become a life defining attribute? Or better yet, when did this become the bees knees of all college sports? Does adding ultimate to a simple game you used to play with your dog all of sudden make it not only a sport, but a central figure in your existence?

It’s not that I hate this game. I don’t. But if you look at the descriptions of the stereotypical players that make up an Ultimate Frisbee game, you’ll see I just don’t fit the Ultimate type:

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  The Tools - 5 guys who are WAY too into it and even find tackling and fist pumping acceptable. These are the same guys who refuse to pass to anyone who hasn’t logged at least 5 years practicing for this asinine sport. 

• Sporty Chicks – the athletic girls who the tools are vying for because they too are awesome at Ultimate

• The girls- The other girls who showed up because they like the tools mentioned above. These girls have limited experience and are content to merely run back in forth in tight clothing

• The Nice Guys - the guys who cheer on the girls that continue to drop the Frisbee. These guys have a healthy relationship with ultimate and people actually respect them.

As you can see, Loralike figures slip through the cracks. But more than anything I’m not deeply invested in having a plastic sliver chucked at my face and if I do happen to gasp drop the elusive devil, I’d rather not be glared at by a blur of faces as I run back down the field.

I have to say I’d rather play a lively game of ultimate eating, or ultimate reading, or even ultimate movie watching with a bowl of m&m’s mixed with popcorn. I would own at those games. 

So yes, I do turn away from this current obsession that has infected the entire BYU student body. And no, I don’t think you should proudly proclaim it as the one defining feature in your life.

But if you do happen to have a hankering for some pointless good ol fashion running about, please do try to broaden your horizons and find other ways to define yourself. And above all, don’t be a tool. They may win in Ultimate, but they lose in life. That’s a lie, they’ll probably succeed in life, marry, and produce more toolish spawn. But will they be happy!? Yeah, they probably will. Huh, that really makes you think about the positives of being a decent human being…

Anyhoo.