Monday, October 7, 2013

Lora Goes Rock Climbing

My name's Lora and I don't do heights. It's not that I'm scared. I just respect them... a great deal. And just like my respect for roaches, I stay far away from it. That's all. And if I do happen upon heights, I just whimper a bit...out of love of course. Not fear hahahahahaha ha ha ah. And even though some describe my reaction to heights as, say crippling, I say everyone shakes and cries when faced with pure happiness... right?

Ok so fine, I hate heights. I hate them. I hate them more than hang-nails and slow drivers, but when my friends suggested we have a go at rock-climbing, I thought why not. I haven't made a fool of myself in ages. 

Upon our arrival at the rock gym, I took a good look around and I knew I needed to mentally prepare myself for a hysterical breakdown. I calmed myself rather quickly, I mean the walls look high, but by no means impossible. Plus our group was peppered with nervous little faces that decreased my dread exponentially.

Since I was a virgin climber, I had to watch a video on how not to kill your partner. All it showed me was the various ways I would kill my partner…and that guys should shirk from such tiny shorts. 

Then a Rock Climbing Pro (RCP) came to show me the ropes. PUN!

In order to test my knowledge, he challenged me to only climb half-way up and then come down. Piece of cake. I started my journey and I have to say I thought I was pretty slamming. After all, there I was confidently latched onto a wall of questionable safety with a smile firmly planted on my face. I was basically this sans the mask:

As I continued up, a curious familiar feeling echoed through me.  It grew stronger and more forceful until I recognized my my old clingy friend Sheer Terror. Reunited at last.

Luckily, I knew I had surely gone above the half-way point and now I would be able to descend with grace and dignity. I glanced down, giving what I believed was  a relaxed smile, and said in a voice that sounded much too high to be my own “ok ready to come down!”

RCP: You’re literally a couple feet off the ground.

Me: “ummm, I’m pretty sure this is half-way.”

RCP: “yeah, it’s not”

I slowly grabbed two more rocks and lifted myself up. I felt my hands begin to quiver. At any moment my little fingers would give up their will to grip. I looked down from my higher perch and found his blond head give a disapproving shake.  After a few more “is this half-way?” we agreed on a mid-point. Sensing my not so subtle resistance to this whole adventure, he insisted I make it to the top. I insisted that he get me down that second.

I won. Dignity gone

With my feet firmly on the ground and the RCP gone to torture another victim, I convinced my partners that belaying was my calling in life and nothing was more fun for me than watching them scamper up the menacing cliffs.

I guess I didn’t quite convince them, because they were pretty determined to have me get above 10 feet. So out of pure peer pressure I climbed that stupid wall and I have to say it wasn’t that bad. Ok it was, but I did it so now I get to act brave.

To cement my small success, I commenced in "Lora and the Wall: round two." To my surprise, the second time featured a significant decrease in whimpering.

Oh and everyone else did awesome. Yay them...

No comments: