BYU Round Two

I can't believe It's been a year since I started at BYU. I remember last year at this time I came up a week early nervous for, well, everything.

That weekend my brothers gave me a tour around campus and if I remember correctly at one point Adam, in an attempt to recreate a normal day in the shuffle of BYU student body, called me a whore while he pushed and shoved me around....good times.

I'm proud to tell you BYU campus is not at all like Adam promised it would be.

That Monday Kyle {the slightly more helpful brother} had me meet him on campus because he was going to get me a job. Of course I wore heels and by the time I trekked it up to Campus my shoes had rubbed my feet raw {see post below for why shoes hate me so much}. After hours of begging for a job I ditched my shoes for the sweet relief of bare feet and to my great chagrin I discovered the sidewalks were boiling hot. By the time I got home my feet had sustained third degree burns that were birthing giant blisters {O you better believe I have a right to be dramatic}.

The rest of the week was spent hobbling around shopping for food, clothes, and furniture while trying desperately to make the most of my last days of freedom.

I distinctly remember how scared I was to be up here and now instead of feeling fear for the unknown I fully understand what I will be put through. I know exactly how much my classes will challenge me and in a weird way I'm more scared for this year than I was then.

BYU pushes you to your limits, but the interesting thing is it also shows you how much you are capable of. I have never felt more inadequate or more accomplished than during my time spent on this campus. It's given me my highest highs and my lowest lows and I am oddly grateful.

Those highs were worth it.

So today, when the thought of school turns me into a jittery insomniac with a vanishing appetite, I dig myself out of a nervous breakdown by remembering how this semester will be different.

I won't be working weekends or late hours.
I already have a solid foundation of amazing friends from this past year.
And most importantly I now know which flavors at the BYU creamery are my favorite.

I have high hopes for this semester, it won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

I'd Rather Be Barefoot....

Shoes are the silent killers.

I don't know if you've ever taken a gander at my feet, but they are simply atrocious. Here's a picturesque description; utterly flat, slightly vainy, lanky toes, and giant bunions....gross eh. I sure didn't win the gene pool lottery with these ugly whoopers.



{Mine are on the right}

I remember my mom even told me to never show a guy my feet because, apparently, that would be reason enough to dump me. Point taken, what guy would want to pass this gene onto their children {I avoid guys with lazy eyes for the same reason}.

Needless to say shoes are like the oil to my feets water and although I've been aware shoes resistance to handle my feet with care I had no idea shoes hate ran so deep. After many years of growing suspicion, I finally uncovered the secret plot of all shoes to destroy their ugliness. And in complete and utter betrayal my very own shoes have followed suit and conspired to kill off my poor feet.

Every shoe's job has been discovered; flats are over the smashing of my bunions {Should a lady ever mention the word bunions in relation to herself...probably not sigh}to the point of nonrecognition, flip flops supervise the digging of tiny straps into the bony tops of my feet, and heals have full control over punishing my feet for never being built to arch.

The sad thing is I keep buying different shoes in hopes that one day a pair will take pity on my Quasimodo feet. And on that day I won't have to fight the common urge to strip barefoot and scamper across campus as a free woman.

But today is not that day and so, just like the many days before it, my feet are aching and there's nothing I can do about it.

Anyone up for giving me a foot massage :)

...ya I wouldn't do it either.

Being a Lora

Something terrible has happened.

This Sunday I was in Relief Society and they started introducing the new girls and…gulp…there are now three more Lora’s in my ward.

Maybe you’re not so great at math but that is a total of four Lora’s.

I have never had this happen before.

On rare occasions I have met a Lora or two BUT NEVER THREE.

Where's the originality parents? Huh, how bout naming your girls things like Ava or Scarlet. There are no Ava's or Scarlet's in my ward. None.

One of these Lora's even had the audacity to have curly hair. Just who does she think she is? Curly hair is my territory. Thank goodness she was short or we would have had a throw down at ward prayer.

I bet they spell it Laura….lame.

Anyone can be a Laura, but it takes hard work being Lora, nae, it is quite an impossible task for the average human.

Being a Lora means being able to replace a nutritious diet with chocolate and still feel great. It means being able to read a book in a day simply because you can’t stand the thought of abandoning the story midway through. It means being so addicted to music you find it hard to walk without its constant flow. It means using laughter to express a full range of emotions; in Lora-land there is no difference between worry or rile, all is consumed with laughter. Ultimately, being a Lora means doing stupid things because you haven’t quite grasped how to be normal.

I almost feel bad for these other Laura’s because they’ll never get to be a Lora….but really who would wish it on them, it’s exhausting.

Why Wild Times?

A friend was reading my blog and he asked why I name the blog "Wild Times at BYU."

Here's the answer....I have no idea.

I never really thought it through. I needed a title when I started this shindig at EA and now I've gotten lazy and will probably always keep the title wild times and add things like....

Wild Times as a Spinster

Wild Times Stalking James Marsden

Wild Times Living With My Mom (That's right Mom, if this whole dating thing doesn't pan out we're going to be roomies again!)

I know I should come up with a title that's cute, witty, and makes you think (you know, something real philosophical and whatnot), but I kind of like wild times and the variety it offers me.

So just like that tattoo I got, I will continue on living with the impulsive decisions of 19 year old me.

(Kidding about the sweet tat MOM, but not about the living with you, bank on that)

Doppleganger's

For some strange reason people think I look like...well everybody.

Marisa Brown and I have been told on several occasions that we look like sisters. I can kind of see where they're going with this: tall, brunette, lacking in deformities. But the funniest comment came from our Hawaiian friends who thought we were identical twins and sometimes it was hard for them to tell us apart.....okay, have they not seen the furry animal currently residing on my head, that should distinguish me from the greater portion of the population.

Sandra Bullock: This is the most bizarre and untrue. Though it did up this girls status from
friend to best friend instantly.

Natalie Portman: I've had two girls say randomly I look like Natalie Portman. This makes me feel bad for Natalie Portman.....

Jessica Alba: This semester I was at a dance and this girl came up to me and said. "Do you know the first time I saw you I thought, she looks just like Jessica Alba." I really don't think this source counts because A). she was foreign and B) she was foreign.

Bella Swan: This is the strangest one I've ever gotten and it's happened twice. I've been told that I look like Bella Swan...not Kirsten Stuart, Bella Swan. I didn't even know it was possible to look like a fictional character...

Julia Roberts: Anna Herring has been convinced since we were little kids that I look like Julia Roberts. I'm convinced the only connection I have to this star is I am currently sporting her 80's do.


Alexis Vega: This is the one that bothers me the most. A girl from my last ward was positive that I looked just like that girl off of spy kids....I've never been so offended.

Emmy Rossum: But the one comment I hear all the time is "You look just like that girl off that one movie"
Me: "Phantom of the Opera"
Them: "ya"
Me:

This one is my favorite because I get to do things like convince my nieces and nephews that I am the girl off Phantom of the Opera and that's why they haven't seen me for so long (college shmollege). Though Nicholas is skeptical, I have Audrey and Sarah in the bag.

Ok, I've saved the best for last. A week ago I was visiting Kelly and I met a guy at her apartment. After I left the guy was asking Kelly who her friend was, you know the African American girl standing in the corner..

O come on, there is no way I look African American. When Kelly asked if it was because of my hair he said no.

I guess I just have one of those faces....

The Curly Purple People Eater

In an attempt to look nice for Adam's wedding I decided to dye my hair. I took great care in finding the best and least harmful hair dye. I even made extra sure I picked a color I had tried before just to avoid any catastrophe.

So of course my hair ended up purple. Purple.

The best part is I did it at one in the morning so there was no time to fix this fax pas. It's a good thing no one sees me at work. Oh wait I'm a secretary who interacts with dozens of people a day. Awesome.

I literally can't look in the mirror. Every time I do my thoughts shift rapidly between thinking it's flippin awesome to sport purple hair to being utterly horrified.

This afternoon I reached a calm where I convinced myself everything would be okay and I didn't look that bad. And then this conversation completely crushed the fake confidence I had spent hours building.

Fellow secretary: "Were you so embarrassed to come to work today?"

Me:

Fellow secretary: " but really, did you just scream when you first looked in the mirror"

Me:

But seriously, she has a point.

I look like an Anime cartoon.


I'm every Japanese boy's dream girl

At this point I was even desperate enough to tell my mom of my idiotic mistake. What followed was sarcasm and the comment "it's hard to support stupidity." Thanks mom.

So with no help from the fam I sent a desperate text to Kelly asking if she could ask her sister, Lynnette, a certified beautician to help me.

Three hours later we were on our way to a a professional salon store to buy dye, the only problem is I needed cash. Second problem, my gas station has a 10 dollar cash back policy...

One slurpee, a bag of sunflower seeds, and two peaches later we are on our way.

After we grabbed the new dye we took tons of pictures to capture this moment of pure hilariousity.

Now my hair is a normal shade of black. Ok, it's not the most normal look for me, but right now my normal is anything that doesn't match a my little pony do.

Who knew I would have so much in common with Lane Kim.

Rage and Prejudice

Ladies, this is called a reality check.

Nerd Alert

For the past couple of weeks my nights have been filled with adventures of the highest kind. This is a huge shift from the summers of days gone by when my nights were spent reading through adventures lived by other people. Not to say I didn't have fun in my youth, but that fun was restricted to July when cousins and chocolate milkshakes were in abundance and the thought of chores was a distant memory.

However the months leading up to and following July were a time where slavery was legal in the Patterson home and friends were scarce. People still don't believe me when I recount the chores I was subjected to such as scrubbing floor boards with a tooth brush and polishing the walls. Anyhoo.... The point of this stroll down memory lane is to explain that I used to read...a lot

But recently I have stopped reading all together...shocking right. I don't really believe it either, how I could go from averaging 3 to 7 books a week to none...zip...nada. I fear that at any moment the English department is going to kick me out for my crimes against the program.

I'm even ashamed to admit I have lived in Provo for 10 months and I still don't have a library card...disgraceful right.

Well that all changed last night. I got home and my roommates were no where to be found, so in a state of complete isolation I asked myself "what would old Lora do if she were bored" and then it hit me "she would go to the library....and then she would go buy chocolate."

So that is exactly what I did and I am happy to say I not only stripped the library of all their new arrivals, but I have consumed a bag of my very favorite chocolates. Pure giddiness does not describe how happy I was last night and that's when I realized I am really weird....like really really weird. It shocks me that I made it through school without being pumbled on a daily basis.

And on that note I would like to give a shout out of gratitude to all those who have stood by me in my crazed obsession with the written word and have never once attempted to give me a swirly. I know that having to listen as I relayed the plot of my newest book may not have been the funnest thing for you to bear, but you guys endured it like champs.

The Mustache

The Mustache when worn correctly creates a powerful statement of manliness. It says "hey you I'm way cool because I can grow hair on my lip." Many men can rock the stache such as;

Tom
Brad

And Hugh with his man scruff

Do you know who can not rock the stache?

EVERY GUY AT BYU


Instead of looking downright dreamy they resemble a creepy pedophile. So gentlemen shave those 'date rape fan stache's because (I'm speaking for the whole BYU female population when I say this) I'm terrified.

Love, Every girl at BYU

One year down....and who knows how many more to go

Well my first year at BYU us officially over. I'm proud to announce I have only suffered minimal trauma and the majority of it was due to BYU's dating scene.....

Though many people decided to extend there academic career into the summer I opted for tanning and reading instead.

Wise choice? probably not, but like I always say sometimes the fun in life is found through stupid decisions.

(I actually have never said this before, but from the moment I typed it I knew it perfectly described my day to day actions and confirmed why I live such a fun life)

Anyhoo...

I wanted this post to be dedicated to all the life lessons I learned in college. So prepare to be amazed at my newly acquired knowledge.

First, nutella should be on the food pyramid.

Don’t sit in BYU's flower beds at midnight….

Beware of boys in skinny jeans!

Don't eat lifesavers while walking, they will most likely get stuck to the roof of your mouth and you will have a terribly awkward time getting them off without looking like a loon.

Look both ways before pulling out of a parking lot.

Never take a job at the MTC cafeteria.

Never wear Orange; it’s really not any one's color

Curly hair should avoid hats like the plague.

Pretzels dipped in peanut butter and then plunged in chocolate can cure almost anything.

Don’t straighten your hair on a rainy day, you will look like a poodle.

Don’t wear flip flops in the snow, it is conducive to falling.

Be careful who you blog about….ya this one bit me in the you know what

Don’t sign up for a class that has reading Moby Dick on its course list.

Don’t eat noodles in bed, waking up slimy is never fun.

As you can see I have emerged from this experience a wiser more capable person (snort) ready to face yet another year here at BYU....