Ultimately Ridiculous

In the last post I mentioned the introductions we all have to make on the first day of class. The one introduction that I did not mention, mostly because it didn’t fit my purpose, was Charley's. While everyone else was listing their accomplishments, dream careers, and inner most secrets, this is what he said.

Charley: Hi my name’s Charley and I love ultimate Frisbee”

Me: BOOOOOOO OOOOO OOOO O O O

Oh how I wish booing was socially acceptable, then Charley could have felt the soft rumble of shame flow over him and sink into his very being.

But seriously, ultimate Frisbee? Really, that’s all you have to say about yourself. 

Since when did this game become a life defining attribute? Or better yet, when did this become the bees knees of all college sports? Does adding ultimate to a simple game you used to play with your dog all of sudden make it not only a sport, but a central figure in your existence?

It’s not that I hate this game. I don’t. But if you look at the descriptions of the stereotypical players that make up an Ultimate Frisbee game, you’ll see I just don’t fit the Ultimate type:

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  The Tools - 5 guys who are WAY too into it and even find tackling and fist pumping acceptable. These are the same guys who refuse to pass to anyone who hasn’t logged at least 5 years practicing for this asinine sport. 

• Sporty Chicks – the athletic girls who the tools are vying for because they too are awesome at Ultimate

• The girls- The other girls who showed up because they like the tools mentioned above. These girls have limited experience and are content to merely run back in forth in tight clothing

• The Nice Guys - the guys who cheer on the girls that continue to drop the Frisbee. These guys have a healthy relationship with ultimate and people actually respect them.

As you can see, Loralike figures slip through the cracks. But more than anything I’m not deeply invested in having a plastic sliver chucked at my face and if I do happen to gasp drop the elusive devil, I’d rather not be glared at by a blur of faces as I run back down the field.

I have to say I’d rather play a lively game of ultimate eating, or ultimate reading, or even ultimate movie watching with a bowl of m&m’s mixed with popcorn. I would own at those games. 

So yes, I do turn away from this current obsession that has infected the entire BYU student body. And no, I don’t think you should proudly proclaim it as the one defining feature in your life.

But if you do happen to have a hankering for some pointless good ol fashion running about, please do try to broaden your horizons and find other ways to define yourself. And above all, don’t be a tool. They may win in Ultimate, but they lose in life. That’s a lie, they’ll probably succeed in life, marry, and produce more toolish spawn. But will they be happy!? Yeah, they probably will. Huh, that really makes you think about the positives of being a decent human being…

Anyhoo. 

My Last Semester!

My first week of school was interesting to say the least. See this summer I had come up with 4 different life possibilities and there were several schedules, pros and cons lists, and even some intense charts that I could show you that went into my decision making process, but I won’t put you through that. Just know that I had no idea when I was graduating and what I was graduating in and that resulted in me spending my first week going to far too many classes whilst juggling my job and internship.

In order for you to get a real perspective of this week I’m going to lay it out, all nitty gritty style. I have no idea what that means, but here we go!

Monday:

Goal: Go to Russian Novel in English, Basic Editing Skills, Writing for Adolescence, Film and Lit, work and Senior Course.

Russian Novel in English – Why did no one mention sooner that there were lit classes that were chalk full with guys? Typical that I finally find it just as I’m entering my senior year, but seriously, this class needs to start advertising. Though the 8 Russian novel course load may deter some...

Writing for Adolescence – Skipped and got a biting email from teacher. Forever changed my perspective on children's lit writers.

Basic Editing – Sweated profusely throughout

Film and Lit – A two hour class where we study the relationship between Poe and Hitchcock. Who wouldn't want to be in this class. Note: get energy drinks, must not fall asleep during movies.

Senior Course – Focus on Ben Jonson and the economy of 1600 Briti…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Work –  Minor argument with lady who won’t accept the fact that her introduction paragraph sucks. Note: don’t use suck in future tutoring sessions…kidding…sort of.

The first day of class is always hilarious to me because in every class they have you introduce yourselves and say something interesting about you. I’m sure many kids look forward to this. Those kids are probably the ones that said things like this “Hi, I used to be a figure skater” or “I lived in China for 10 years” or they probably just got back from an amazing summer interning at Newsweek or Penguin Publishing House. You even have the ones that say “I just got married” and all I think is “No, I will not clap for that.”

By the time they get to me all I want to say is that I used to be a Russian Gymnast that immigrated to the U.S to be a published author and in the process fell madly in love and married a wealthy Italian diplomat’s son. 

Also, I can moon walk.

That oughta do it.

Tuesday: 

Goal: Start internship, try out a new Senior Course, and go to work and Print Publishing

Internship –  Working with a curator in special collection organizing famous author’s materials. Day’s awesome level just went up 3 points.

Work – Answered emails

Print Publishing – Two hour class and the teacher made us stay 20 minutes after. Not pleased.

Senior Course – Emphasis on city life. I hope it’s better than ol Benny. They asked everyone if they lived in a city and if they wanted to. I said I lived in a town with no street lights and I liked it. They laughed. I wrote this post instead of paying attention and I drew a picture of the country side. Picture not included, I’m not an artist. Note: apologize to Ben and hope he lets me back in to his class.

Wednesday:

Goal-  Russian Novel in English, Writing for Adolescence, Basic Editing, Film and Lit, Tutoring, and I’m back in Ben’s version of the Senior course

Russian Novel in English –  It’s raining men…and depressing literature. I loved every second of it.

Basic Editing – um... no thank you.

Writing for Adolescence – Teacher called for our character descriptions of ourselves. Of course I didn’t do it. Quickly located my online journal and snagged an entry from two years ago and read it out loud. It wasn’t great, but I didn’t get a nasty email this time, so all in all a good day.

Film and Lit – Awesome

Senior Course – Learned how I was going to take over the world. Everyone should be frightened.

Tutoring Class – Skipped

Work – Same ol same ol

Writing for Adolescence – Went to a different version of writing for adolescence. The teacher is a famous published author which makes me believe the three hour class is worth it. Dropped other children’s lit class.

This was the day I went and saw my counselor. First, I should tell you that she terrifies me. Terrifies me! I asked her if it was possible to graduate in December. She said it was if I dropped editing, then she proceeded to drop my minor before I could stop her. I guess I’m no longer an editing minor?

BUT I’m graduating! And I finalized my semester. I do believe this is the first time in my life that I actually know what I’m doing. It’s amazing and terrifying all at the same time.

Now I just need to figure out my after graduation plans. Who wants to house a poor college graduate!?