Doppleganger's

For some strange reason people think I look like...well everybody.

Marisa Brown and I have been told on several occasions that we look like sisters. I can kind of see where they're going with this: tall, brunette, lacking in deformities. But the funniest comment came from our Hawaiian friends who thought we were identical twins and sometimes it was hard for them to tell us apart.....okay, have they not seen the furry animal currently residing on my head, that should distinguish me from the greater portion of the population.

Sandra Bullock: This is the most bizarre and untrue. Though it did up this girls status from
friend to best friend instantly.

Natalie Portman: I've had two girls say randomly I look like Natalie Portman. This makes me feel bad for Natalie Portman.....

Jessica Alba: This semester I was at a dance and this girl came up to me and said. "Do you know the first time I saw you I thought, she looks just like Jessica Alba." I really don't think this source counts because A). she was foreign and B) she was foreign.

Bella Swan: This is the strangest one I've ever gotten and it's happened twice. I've been told that I look like Bella Swan...not Kirsten Stuart, Bella Swan. I didn't even know it was possible to look like a fictional character...

Julia Roberts: Anna Herring has been convinced since we were little kids that I look like Julia Roberts. I'm convinced the only connection I have to this star is I am currently sporting her 80's do.


Alexis Vega: This is the one that bothers me the most. A girl from my last ward was positive that I looked just like that girl off of spy kids....I've never been so offended.

Emmy Rossum: But the one comment I hear all the time is "You look just like that girl off that one movie"
Me: "Phantom of the Opera"
Them: "ya"
Me:

This one is my favorite because I get to do things like convince my nieces and nephews that I am the girl off Phantom of the Opera and that's why they haven't seen me for so long (college shmollege). Though Nicholas is skeptical, I have Audrey and Sarah in the bag.

Ok, I've saved the best for last. A week ago I was visiting Kelly and I met a guy at her apartment. After I left the guy was asking Kelly who her friend was, you know the African American girl standing in the corner..

O come on, there is no way I look African American. When Kelly asked if it was because of my hair he said no.

I guess I just have one of those faces....

The Curly Purple People Eater

In an attempt to look nice for Adam's wedding I decided to dye my hair. I took great care in finding the best and least harmful hair dye. I even made extra sure I picked a color I had tried before just to avoid any catastrophe.

So of course my hair ended up purple. Purple.

The best part is I did it at one in the morning so there was no time to fix this fax pas. It's a good thing no one sees me at work. Oh wait I'm a secretary who interacts with dozens of people a day. Awesome.

I literally can't look in the mirror. Every time I do my thoughts shift rapidly between thinking it's flippin awesome to sport purple hair to being utterly horrified.

This afternoon I reached a calm where I convinced myself everything would be okay and I didn't look that bad. And then this conversation completely crushed the fake confidence I had spent hours building.

Fellow secretary: "Were you so embarrassed to come to work today?"

Me:

Fellow secretary: " but really, did you just scream when you first looked in the mirror"

Me:

But seriously, she has a point.

I look like an Anime cartoon.


I'm every Japanese boy's dream girl

At this point I was even desperate enough to tell my mom of my idiotic mistake. What followed was sarcasm and the comment "it's hard to support stupidity." Thanks mom.

So with no help from the fam I sent a desperate text to Kelly asking if she could ask her sister, Lynnette, a certified beautician to help me.

Three hours later we were on our way to a a professional salon store to buy dye, the only problem is I needed cash. Second problem, my gas station has a 10 dollar cash back policy...

One slurpee, a bag of sunflower seeds, and two peaches later we are on our way.

After we grabbed the new dye we took tons of pictures to capture this moment of pure hilariousity.

Now my hair is a normal shade of black. Ok, it's not the most normal look for me, but right now my normal is anything that doesn't match a my little pony do.

Who knew I would have so much in common with Lane Kim.

Rage and Prejudice

Ladies, this is called a reality check.

Nerd Alert

For the past couple of weeks my nights have been filled with adventures of the highest kind. This is a huge shift from the summers of days gone by when my nights were spent reading through adventures lived by other people. Not to say I didn't have fun in my youth, but that fun was restricted to July when cousins and chocolate milkshakes were in abundance and the thought of chores was a distant memory.

However the months leading up to and following July were a time where slavery was legal in the Patterson home and friends were scarce. People still don't believe me when I recount the chores I was subjected to such as scrubbing floor boards with a tooth brush and polishing the walls. Anyhoo.... The point of this stroll down memory lane is to explain that I used to read...a lot

But recently I have stopped reading all together...shocking right. I don't really believe it either, how I could go from averaging 3 to 7 books a week to none...zip...nada. I fear that at any moment the English department is going to kick me out for my crimes against the program.

I'm even ashamed to admit I have lived in Provo for 10 months and I still don't have a library card...disgraceful right.

Well that all changed last night. I got home and my roommates were no where to be found, so in a state of complete isolation I asked myself "what would old Lora do if she were bored" and then it hit me "she would go to the library....and then she would go buy chocolate."

So that is exactly what I did and I am happy to say I not only stripped the library of all their new arrivals, but I have consumed a bag of my very favorite chocolates. Pure giddiness does not describe how happy I was last night and that's when I realized I am really weird....like really really weird. It shocks me that I made it through school without being pumbled on a daily basis.

And on that note I would like to give a shout out of gratitude to all those who have stood by me in my crazed obsession with the written word and have never once attempted to give me a swirly. I know that having to listen as I relayed the plot of my newest book may not have been the funnest thing for you to bear, but you guys endured it like champs.

The Mustache

The Mustache when worn correctly creates a powerful statement of manliness. It says "hey you I'm way cool because I can grow hair on my lip." Many men can rock the stache such as;

Tom
Brad

And Hugh with his man scruff

Do you know who can not rock the stache?

EVERY GUY AT BYU


Instead of looking downright dreamy they resemble a creepy pedophile. So gentlemen shave those 'date rape fan stache's because (I'm speaking for the whole BYU female population when I say this) I'm terrified.

Love, Every girl at BYU

One year down....and who knows how many more to go

Well my first year at BYU us officially over. I'm proud to announce I have only suffered minimal trauma and the majority of it was due to BYU's dating scene.....

Though many people decided to extend there academic career into the summer I opted for tanning and reading instead.

Wise choice? probably not, but like I always say sometimes the fun in life is found through stupid decisions.

(I actually have never said this before, but from the moment I typed it I knew it perfectly described my day to day actions and confirmed why I live such a fun life)

Anyhoo...

I wanted this post to be dedicated to all the life lessons I learned in college. So prepare to be amazed at my newly acquired knowledge.

First, nutella should be on the food pyramid.

Don’t sit in BYU's flower beds at midnight….

Beware of boys in skinny jeans!

Don't eat lifesavers while walking, they will most likely get stuck to the roof of your mouth and you will have a terribly awkward time getting them off without looking like a loon.

Look both ways before pulling out of a parking lot.

Never take a job at the MTC cafeteria.

Never wear Orange; it’s really not any one's color

Curly hair should avoid hats like the plague.

Pretzels dipped in peanut butter and then plunged in chocolate can cure almost anything.

Don’t straighten your hair on a rainy day, you will look like a poodle.

Don’t wear flip flops in the snow, it is conducive to falling.

Be careful who you blog about….ya this one bit me in the you know what

Don’t sign up for a class that has reading Moby Dick on its course list.

Don’t eat noodles in bed, waking up slimy is never fun.

As you can see I have emerged from this experience a wiser more capable person (snort) ready to face yet another year here at BYU....

The Valentine's Dance

So I never post about dating, dates, or guys in general. Mostly because I have a tendency to be malicious and exaggerate in my writing and I don’t think it’s fair to sic me and the written word on any guy….but I’m making an exception.

The preceding is a fictional story based on real events written in this manner to disguise and protect the leading characters.

Boy asks girl to dance.

Girl is blind-sighted and her friends are absolutely no help at all

Two songs later and she is still with the boy…..friends are quite useless

Guy delivers monologue that includes a list of accomplishments and attributes that would make him an excellent candidate for “the boyfriend". Basically your typical resume rundown; med-school, writer, athletic, blah blah blah....

Girl tries to make herself as unattractive as possible by listing reading as her hobby of choice (it really does ax every conversation)

Guy tries to teach awkward girl how to dance. A series of jumps and dips solidify her as the most graceless dancer there.

Guy then pulls out a stack of 3X5 index cards and a pencil and asks the dreaded question

So she does what any nice Mormon girl would do….she gives him her number…

The end

Instances like this raise so many questions;

Was the guy ever afraid his pencil would stab him during our swing lesson?

Why did he have a stack of 3X5 cards in his pocket?

Is my name and number now on file?

And if so what is his organizing technique; a for "awkward", c for "curly hair", or t for "will bear you tall children"?

But my main question is, why does meeting people have to be so weird? Don't get me wrong, I love an awkward situation just as much as the next girl, but I'm starting to think that bouts of laughter should not follow every interaction you have with a guy....but I have to say it sure makes life entertaining.

Anyhoo, Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I should really try harder to concentrate

Classes can be an environment filled with stimulating conversation and hours of learning...they can also be really boring.

I find that I can make a typical class period quite amusing if I engage in immature behavior and thought.

1. Introductions: We are all invited to introduce ourselves and name something about us. A boy named Adam introduces himself and boasts of his ability to shove a two-inch nail up his nose. He then proceeds to demonstrate.

I wonder what amount of brain function he has sacrificed for his craft.

Adam has now put himself on the map as a stud.

2. Class discussion: The teacher poses a question and watches as students climb, push, and jump over each others ideas trying desperately to prove the validity of their own.

The boy next to me makes a rather clever comment.

I check the left hand.

Ring...aahhh typical.

I bet Adam doesn’t have a ring. I check...nope.

I pop my gum, the girl next to me glares.

I have discovered a wonderful new game.

I let off a set of quiet machine gun pops.

She glowers.

I avoid her eyes and quickly resume my studious position:

• Chin in hand
• Head tilted
• Eyes squinted ever so slightly
• Nod programmed to go off every 2 min.

Pop.

Hatred darts out of her eyes.

I giggle inside.

She cracks her knuckles. Oh, how I detest cracking knuckles.

She smiles.

War is declared.

The bell rings...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

So I’ve been reading through my past posts of 2010 and I notice a definite theme; anger, sarcasm, fake happiness that masks underlying bitter feelings.....

Ok confession I really didn’t noticed this it was brought to my attention by my mom who said and I quote, “Lora I read Anna’s blog and it’s so happy and uplifting and then I get to yours and its so sarcastic and angry.”

I’m thinking mommy dearest missed out on the parenting class that tells you to not compare your children to other kids..... It’s just down right hurtful.

Yes I get that my post are not filled with rainbows and unicorns, but it’s not MY fault that I'm only inspired by my shortcomings in life. Though I did think about making a goal to be a more positive person….but then I realized how upset I would be when that fell through.

So here’s to yet another year filled with bitter posts from a frizzy haired girl ☺

Finals.....

Finals are BYU’s way of saying “you really don’t want to go to Hell, cause it’s sort of like this…except for eternity.”

Yup that’s all I’m going to say about finals.

P.S How many times can you say "I'd rather be skinned alive and rolled in salt" before it becomes redundant?